Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

September 03, 2010 Ivan Teh - RunningMan 0 Comments

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

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Original Answer: To get to the other side.


Isaac Newton: The duck crossed the road causing the chicken to cross after it, but at the same time holding up traffic, thus proving that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.


Shakespeare: To cross or not to cross, that is the question.


Rene Descartes: Since the chicken does not really exist, it was only an illusion that the chicken crossed the road. This illusion was only in my mind. Therefore I created the chicken that crossed the road.


Pete Rose: I don't know, but I swear I didn't bet on it.


Gandhi: All chickens should peacefully resist by crossing the road.


Colin Powell: This is not about whether inspectors made sure the chicken crossed the road, it's about the willingness of the chicken to cross the road voluntarily.


Darwin: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.


Iraqi Information Minister Muhammed Saeed Al-Sahaf (M.S.S.): There is no such chicken trying to cross the road, and there never has been any such chicken.


Moses: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.


David Hume: Out of custom and habit.


Epicurus: For fun.


Ronald Regan: I forgot.


Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. A historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such a herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurrence.


Johann Friedrich von Goethe: The eternal hen-principle made it do it.


Machiavelli: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.


Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.


Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.


Salvador Dali: The Fish.


The Sphinx: You tell me.


Neil Armstrong: That's one small step for Chicken, one giant leap for Poultry kind.


Thomas de Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.


Timothy Leary: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.


George Bush: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.


Al Gore: I fight for the chickens and I am fighting for the chickens right now. I will not give up on the chickens crossing the road! I will fight for the chickens and I will not disappoint them.


Bill Gates: I have just released eChicken, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.


Dr. Seuss:
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road,
But why it crossed, I've not been told!



Ernest Hemingway: To die. Alone. In the rain.


Martin Luther King Junior: It had a dream! I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.


Grandpa: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road! Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us!


Jerry Seinfield: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place anyway?"


John Lennon: Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.


Aristotle: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.


Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.


Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.


Voltaire: I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death its right to do it.


Captain James Tiberius Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.


Fox Mulder: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more chickens have to cross before you believe?


Bill Clinton: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please?


Albert Einstein: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?


Richard Nixon: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road.


Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken nature.


Joseph Stalin: I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omelette.


Albert Camus: It doesn't matter; the chicken's actions have no meaning except to him.


Oliver Stone: The question is not "Why did the chicken cross the road?" but is rather "Who was crossing the road at the same time whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"


The Pope: That is only for God to know.


Immanuel Kant: The chicken, being an autonomous being, chose to cross the road of his own free will.


M.C. Escher: That depends on which plane of reality the chicken was on at the time.


George Orwell: Because the government had fooled him into thinking that he was crossing the road of his own free will, when he was really only serving their interests.


Plato: For the greater good.


Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.


O.J. Simpson: It didn't. I was playing golf with it at the time.


Kentucky Fried Chicken (KFC) Colonel Sanders: I missed one?


Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.


Robert Frost: To reach the sidewalk less traveled by.


Darth Vader: It could not resist the power of the Dark Side.


Agent Smith: You hear that Mr. Chicken?... That is the sound of inevitability... It is the sound of your death... Goodbye, Mr. Chicken.


Incredible Hulk: HULK SMASH PUNY CHICKEN!


Bob Dylan: How many roads must one chicken cross?


Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?


Roseanne Barr: Urrrrrp. What chicken?


COBOL Programmer:
0001-CHICKEN-CROSSING
IF NO-MORE-VEHICLES THEN
PERFORM
0010-CROSS-THE-ROAD
VARYING STEPS FROM 1 BY 1
UNTIL
ON-THE-OTHER-SIDE
ELSE
GO TO 0001-CHICKEN-CROSSING



Zeno Of Elea: To prove it could never reach the other side.


Julius Caesar: To come, to see, to conquer!


Joseph Conrad: Mistah Chicken, he dead.


H. P. Lovecraft: To escape the eldritch, cthonic, rugose, polypous, indescribably horrible abomination not from our space-time continuum.


Manuel: Is not a chicken. Is Siberian hamster.


Groucho Marx: Chicken? What's all this talk about chicken? Why, I had an uncle who thought he was a chicken. My aunt almost divorced him, but we needed the eggs.


Alfred E. Neumann: What? Me worry?


Thomas Paine: Out of common sense.


Carl Rodgers: Why do YOU think the chicken crossed the road?


Johnny Tillotson: Chickens crossing the road are Poultry In Motion.


Mr. Scotty: 'Cos ma wee transporter beam was na functioning properly. Ah canna work miracles, Captain!


Anderson Cooper (CNN): We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed access to the other side of the road.


Oprah Winfrey: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.


Zsa Zsa Gabor: It probably crossed to get a better look at my legs, which, thank goodness, are good, dahling.


J. R. R. Tolkein: The chicken, sunlight coruscating off its radiant yellow-white coat of feathers, approached the dark, sullen asphalt road and scrutinized it intently with its obsidian-black eyes. Every detail of the thoroughfare leapt into blinding focus; the rough texture of the surface, over which countless tires had worked their relentless tread through the ages; the innumerable fragments of stone embedded within the lugubrious mass, perhaps quarried from the great pits where the Sons of Man labored not far from here; the dull black asphalt itself, exuding those waves of heat which distort the sight and bring weakness to the body; the other attributes of the great highway too numerous to give name. And then it crossed it.


Barack Obama: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change!


Douglas Adams: The answer is... 42.





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