Chain Mail – An Explanation

February 03, 2011 Ivan Teh - RunningMan 0 Comments


Chain Mail – An Explanation


Hello, my name is none of your business. I am suffering from seven rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, fear of being mauled by squirrels, and guilt for not forwarding out 50 billion chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, then that poor 6 year old girl in Arkansas with a potato growing out of her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her off to the traveling freak show.

Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and everyone you send "his" e-mail to $1000?

How stupid are you?

Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll meet the girl (or guy) of my dreams tomorrow!

What a bunch of junk. So basically, this message is directed to all the people out there who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail forwards. Maybe the evil letter leprechauns will come into my house and write "I'm a moron" on my forehead in permanent marker in my sleep for not continuing the chain which was started by a knight of the round table and was brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it makes it to the year 3000, it'll be in the Guinness Book of World Records for longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity.

If you're going to forward something, at least send me something mildly amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 50 of your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel from "them'" forward - about 90 times. It's getting old. Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing to by sending out forwards.


THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS:

Chain Letter Type 1:

Start scrolling
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Scroll down
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Keep scrolling
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Make a wish!!!
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No, really, go on and make one!!!
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Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!!
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Wish something else!!!
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No, I'm sorry, we're out of ponies for the time being!!
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Have you forgotten why you're scrolling yet?
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STOP!!!!

Wasn't that fun? :) Hope you made a great wish :) Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll do. First of all, if you don't send this to 5096 people in the next 5 seconds, not only will your wish turn against you, but you will be kidnapped by ninja elves and thrown off a high building into a pile of manure. It's true! because, THIS letter isn't like all of those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!!

Really!!! Here's how it goes:

Send this to 1 person: One person will be annoyed with you for sending them a stupid chain letter.

Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be annoyed with you for sending them a stupid chain letter.

Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be annoyed with you for sending them a stupid chain letter, and may form a plot on your life.

Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be annoyed with you for sending them a stupid chain letter and will napalm bomb your house. Thanks!!!!
Good Luck!!!


Chain Letter Type 2:

Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a starving little boy in baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no legs, no parents, and no goats. This little boy's life could be saved because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Little Starving Legless Armless Goatless Boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund. Oh, and remember, we have absolutely no way of counting the e-mails sent and this is all a complete load of junk. So go on. Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds. Oh, and a reminder - if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die... Instantly!!!  Thanks again!!


Chain Letter Type 3:

Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is absolutely incredible because there was no e-mail then and probably not as many sad e-mail addicts with nothing better to do. So this is how it works:

1. Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or something horrible will happen to you like:

*Bizarre Horror Story* #1

Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had recently received this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of poop, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty, she died too.

This Could Happen To You!!!

*Bizarre Horror Story* 2

Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and ignored it. He took the paper and made a paper airplane out of it. Later that day, he was crushed by an anvil that was dropped by a plane that just happened to be flying directly above him.

This Could Happen To You Too!!!

Remember, you could end up just like Pinsley and Bip. Just send this letter to all of your loser friends, and everything will be okay.


Chain Letter Type 4:

As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to every one of your friends.

Friends

Blah, Blah, Blah,
Friends,
Blah, Blah, Blah.

A friend is not someone who sends you chain letters because he wants his wish of being rich to come true.

Now pass this on! If you don't, no one will like you for as long as you live. I mean it, as long as you live.


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The point being?

*If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave you friendless or luckless or loveless for the rest of your life, delete it.

Don't annoy people by making them feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth, who's been tied to a dead elephant for 27 years, whose only chance of living is the 5 cents per letter he'll receive if you forward this email, otherwise you'll end up like Miranda. Right?

OK now, if it’s funny, a good story, something you think that others would actually enjoy, then go 4 it, send it on!! If it's garbage then treat it as such. Just a tip.

******Now forward this to everyone you know otherwise you'll find all your socks missing tomorrow morning.********




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