Types Of Government

Types Of Government

The various Types Of Governments, explained with cows!

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FEUDALISM:
You have two cows. The lord of the manor takes some of the milk. And all the cream.



PURE SOCIALISM:
You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.



BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM:
You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers.
You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and as many eggs as the regulations say you should need.



FASCISM:
You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.



PURE COMMUNISM:
You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.



RUSSIAN COMMUNISM:
You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.



DICTATORSHIP:
You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.



MILITARISM:
You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.



PURE DEMOCRACY:
You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.



REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY:
You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.



AMERICAN DEMOCRACY:
The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it. After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair "Cowgate". The cows are set free.



BRITISH DEMOCRACY:
You have two cows. You feed them sheep brains and they go mad. The government gives you compensation for your diseased cows, compensation for your lost income, a grant not to use your fields for anything else. And tells the public not to worry.



INDIAN DEMOCRACY:
You have two cows. You worship them.



SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY:
You have two cows. The government fines you for keeping two unlicensed farm animals in an apartment.



IRAQI DEMOCRACY:
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. Nobody believes you, so they bomb you and invade your country. You still have no cows but at least you are now a democracy.



BUREAUCRACY:
You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.



ANARCHY:
You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to kill you and take the cows.



PURE CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire comfortably on the income.



HONG KONG CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly-listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt / equity swap with an associated general offer, so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows' milk back to the listed company. The annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the Feng Shui is bad.



MONARCHY:
You have two cows. The King issues a decree that all cows are to be henceforth known as goats. You have two goats.



MERITOCRACY:
You have two cows. You are skilled in milking cows. You are invited to join the government.



THEOCRACY:
You have two cows. The government worships cows. They make you the archbishop of cow-ism.



ENVIRONMENTALISM:
You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them.



TOTALITARIANISM:
You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.



KAKISTOCRACY:
You have two cows. The government is the two cows.



AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has died.



GREEK CORPORATION:
You have two cows borrowed from French and German banks. You eat both of them. The banks call to collect their milk, but you cannot deliver, so you call the International Monetary Fund (IMF). The IMF loans you two cows. You eat both of them. The banks and the IMF call to collect their cows / milk. You are out getting a haircut.



ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows, but you do not know where they are. You decide to have lunch.



AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. Business is good, so you decide to close and go for a few beers to celebrate.



FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.



CHINESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim you have full employment and high bovine productivity. You arrest the newspeople who reported the real situation.



IRISH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. One of them is a horse.



SWISS CORPORATION:
You have 5,000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them.



CANADIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. Both cows are sorry.



POLITICAL CORRECTNESS:
You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is an outdated symbol of your decadent, warmongering, intolerant past) two differently aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender.



COUNTER CULTURE:
Wow, dude, there's like... these two cows, man. You gotta have some of this milk.



SURREALISM:
You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.






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